n-days in intern

today is saturday.

how i would be able to manage my intern life, is better than what i thought at first.
well, still not saying it is at the best, but really, right now i think i can cope with this life until end of the year.

talk about how i feel today.
hmm.......
though i manage to face the intern, but i still wanted to finish it and start my ideal life.
actually my ideal lifestyle won't be possible so soon, but at least i will live one that is close to ideal.
so my current mood is,
imaginary
of my ideal lifestyle.
a not so bad feeling,
yet not the best i yearn for

intern life 2nd post

now my intern life truely starts, today is my first day working.
things are not the worst, but not to my favor either.

1st off, i'm really regretted for not taking programming as my intern
2nd, testing could be not as interesting as i thought it would be
3rd, darn hot in my room every night, unless rain, i will definitely had a hard time sleeping thx to the heat.
4th, internet inconvenience
5th, seat inconvenience. none of the chairs in the hostel has a solid back-cover, make me uncomfortable sitting.

i know i'm being an ass for complaining so much while this is consider one of the good situation, but i still can't stand it, not as much as i thought i could.

just how weak can i be

the begin of my internship diary (maybe)

well, the reason for the dairy is because i guess i might feel emo everyday for not being able to do things i want in internship, eg:
- play violin anytime i want
- watch anime and laugh without control
- download large size stuff (game/anime/software)
- online 24/7

orz.....

not just that,
simply because working is not something easy, or at least, for sure, it will incur stress one way or another, therefore i can't stress relieve with my usual stuff due to the restriction, and so i come to writing stuff like this.

ok, after stating the reasons, here's the emotion for today.

supreme uneasy.

well, as mentioned at the above, all my usual stuff cannot do without following strict rules, therefore i don't, and can't feel free and easy.
can't get along with colleague.... well kinda expected for my attitude and the difference of interest with commoners.
waiting for the real intern work to start, is like waiting to get torture, can't feel easy of course.
forever alone, in this case quite bothering as the colleague who shares hostel with me, is a couple (OTL orz orz orz) and they both shares a room as well, imagine the rest.
the last and also the main factor, My Desktop Is Not Here Yet! the person that helps me deliver my heavy luggage delay 1 day for his trip, and what's worse is the other one who can help me bring my stuff from the deliverman to my hostel can't help me on the day the luggage arrive, means i will have to spend 2 days without my desktop.

sob.... i'm concluding here.
all these stuffs happened because of my decision for challenging myself in an unfamiliar environment. one side of me wanna regret, while the other side trying hard not to, therefore it kinda torturing (self-torturing btw).
so haizz..... someone cure my problem.

p.s. i realize this room will be freaking hot when i use my desktop in the future. OTL orz orz orz orz orz orz

new/unknown food

ingredient:
- 2 full spoon of wheat flour
- half spoon of rice flour
- 1 or 2 spoon of sugar (depends on how sweet u want it to be)
- half spoon of salt
- half cup of clear water
- 1 egg (well-stirred)
- 2 spoon of oil (better use olive/any other organic oil)

part one
- mix the wheat flour and rice flour together
- fill in water
- stirred til even
- now add salt and sugar, stir again.
- then pour in the already-stirred egg, and stir again til even

part two
- now take a look on the mixed ingredients, is it watery? or sticky? we want it to be around 60:40 ratio of stickiness vs watery. or 70:30 (just roughly estimate)
- then put in the 1st spoon of oil, see if the current mixture still maintain a lil stickiness, if yes then pour the 2nd spoon of oil
- if all well, u should see it well balanced on both stickiness and watery (imagine the one used by waffle baker)

part three
- since u mix it with oil, so u dont need to put oil on the frying pan (its ok to put it but it will be kinda oily in the end. still taste the same though)
- now put a little of the mixture on the pan(preferable not-yet heated), and lightly shake the pan around so the mixture will become thinner and larger
- now start the fire, a small one (u can use the larger fire if u're confident u won't burn it)
- bake til the dough has stop sticking to the pan, then flip it
- after flipping it, confirm if u had burned it, or it is well-cook, then estimate the time u took earlier to get it well-cook, and do the same on the new side
- you're done when it is well cooked.
(optional) you can cook it a bit more longer til light/dark brown to make it crispy, but there's a risk of getting it burned.

serve it!
- u can just eat it empty like that, or put on something like butter/chocolate/peanut, anything u can see people put on their waffle. after all, the ingredient i used is actually similar to waffle's. it just that this one is just round and thin and simple.

awaken!!!....................?

well, i had these few dreams today(its 14th Sept) and the dream is between 1.45am and 6.45am.(cuz this is around the time i felt asleep)

i had more than 2 dreams. but there're only 2 where there's some symbolic in them.
the 1st one is cockroach, the dream is vague(again) but i'm sure i saw cockroach came out under the chair like there's a hole under the chair but cannot b seen because the chair's footing block it. cockroach coming out from under the chair is like endless, then mayb i was freak out with so many cockroach i had passed out(passed out=dream ended la).
the 2nd one is snake. oh gosh this snake is hanging on the other double decker bed while my position is lying on the lower part of another double decker bed which is close to that bed. its like a 50-100cm distance watching the snake hanging on there then suddenly swing itself like its going to acrobatic jump on me. the setting of the location feels like its my sis' room. because i sense a feeling that the snake is swinging its way in order to jump on me, so i automatically call my sis while having trouble moving my body because of anemia-like drowsiness(hope u get what i mean). before i was fully able to move my body, my sis wake up and call my mom. then there goes something happen which i dont recall the detail but 1 thing for sure is the dream ended when i lie on the floor(probably fall from bed) and the snake was killed when its crawled on my body.(=.= that instance i dunno why but i feel like there're needle-like pain on my chest-stomach area).

so here's an even interesting part. dreamMood suggest cockroach represents uncleanness and said i will need a renewal(emotional and physiological). astrocenter suggested snake is a symbol of transmutation and will soon undergo a vast inner change(sound like renewal?).
so if link both these dreams its like i need a self-renewal and it will happen soon enough, lol?
to my fantasy for an instant it sounded like i'm going to gain self-realization and 'evolve' XD

though i said so, but when i check dreamMood(Snake) it said aside something similar from astrocenter(bout transmutation), snake could also mean bad things like "a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted"(though there're those forbidden sexual thingy but i dont think its the case since it said "if the snake is on your bed" which for my case, the snake is on the opposite bed)

anyway, hope this kind of thing entertains you

a weird and vague dream

1st Sep, probably morning.

well, i was sleeping in this time, so there's no way i know the exact time when i had this dream.

its kinda vague of what i remember, but......
well, here's what i recall:

the first thing is blurry, but i'm sure this is the starter of this 'story' but i forgot what it is. then followed by i sit in a car with my dad driving it(dunno why instead of front seat i was sitting on the back seat). somehow i was staring on the sky and saw something(i think it was an plane), failed and crushing down towards our direction. then here's another part i forgot but it somewhat links me to think there're some kind of disaster coming and airplane crashed because of this disaster. the car was some sort like Mitsubishi Pajero, and i think while we were escaping, the car drive through a road where there're a flood on it(something like what we see when its heavily raining while the drain is stuck and thus water flood). i think we were heading home trying to meet up with the rest of the family. on the way i told my dad to go to the minimarket near my place to gather supply we need because the main town is in chaos and it will be too late to turn back to get supply from bigger store in the town.

there's also a vague part which i'm not too sure when it happen but it also has something to do with airplane crashed(and somehow i think there're more than just airplane falling from the sky), falling downwards towards us(its me and my friend this time.) the location was somewhere nearby my housing area, or maybe it is in my housing area.

then........... ended?
sorry my memory was too blurry and i had no idea how come such 'story' appear in my mind.
by the way, i think the 'disaster' i thought had something to do with Aliens?


anyway, something interesting when i read 'dream dictionary' about 'airplane' and 'father':
Airplane
1. Escape from the mundane exigencies of the lower world.
2. Freedom.
3. The search for higher consciousness. Travel into the higher realms
Astrological parallels: Sagittarius or Aquarius. (lol i'm Sagi)
Tarot parallel: The World

Father
This symbol is highly personalized, and should be considered in light of your relationship with your father. Generally, dreaming of a father (yours or anyone else's) represents authority, while mothers represent love and protection. If your relationship with your father was good, dreaming of him implies advancement and/or assistance from authority figures in your life. If your relationship with him was strained, however, dreaming of him indicates trouble coming from authority figures, such as your boss. If you're dreaming of a dead parent, especially if he or she is speaking to you, important news is coming your way. Whether the news is good or bad depends on other dynamics in the dream.

**my relationship with my father isn't very good nor very close, though not very bad either. but maybe i think the part "dreaming of him indicates trouble coming from authority figures" is somewhat possible

Flood
1.Water is a universal symbol for emotion, and thus a dream of a flood indicates that a plethora of deep feelings is coming the dreamer's way. If the flood is warm, gentle and comforting, the feelings will be positive, and possibly could involve romance. But if the flood is dark, cold, and overwhelming, be prepared for emotional turmoil.
2.Being swept away by a flood warns that someone of the opposite sex whom you trust may be trying to use you.
3.Escaping from the flood, especially if you continue to reach high ground, indicates overcoming a great difficulty

**i only recall my dream to drive pass a small area of flood, so i guess 2nd and 3rd doesn't apply?

Car
1. Motion, movement away from one thing and towards another.
2. Speed, acceleration.
3. Freedom.
Astrological parallel: Sagittarius (Sagi again lol)
Tarot parallel: The Chariot


whether these indicates anything or not, to me what's interesting is the dream itself, and the possible meaning linked between 'Airplane', 'Father', 'Flood' and 'Car'.

electricity out in 22nd Aug. 00:00 to 05:00

well, the notification stated to be 00:00 - 04:00, 4 hours. but in the end it took longer than that, 5 hours in fact.

the beginning 2 hours for me is, kinda fun. because such scene of no lights around the town except the moon's, somehow looks significant to me. the first few minutes after electric out, i was walking around trying to look on how people are going to react to this 'event'. at first i thought people might have something fun like lighting up candles, set up a table outside the house, chit-chat or play cards on the table. but it turn out that everyone is rushing to leave the place when the electric is out.

should i say as expected of city-people? if anyone was having the same experience i had in my childhood, they would rather do a lot of things to enjoy the light out, like the few i had stated. well yes, it is chinese's July. so of course people afraid and all, but if they really afraid of such things then they won't be even trying to 'run away' from this town even if they had to ride a bicycle to far away. well of course i didn't follow them so i can't judge whether or not they really ride to bike to leave the town, but at least they doesn't seems to enjoy the light out.

truth is, this 'event' is a little bit disappointed because the sky is filled with scattered clouds, at the same time the moonlight is too bright. so bright that i can see my shadow clearly like it was dawn. so stargazing is definitely out of question. what's left for me to do, is not 'playing' with candles nor playing cards, because there's no one to do it with me. so i bring along Maon (my violin) to a place where almost no one would pass by, and practice for 2 hours long.

at the beginning of the practice, it is just like always, i play a lot of ugly noises. as time pass, the sound is more refined and gets better. but the strange thing is, all of the sudden a certain tone fails everything i play it. i keep on trying the music over and over again, but only that single tone runs wild, but it works fine when i play the tone alone without the overall music. then this is when i get a weird feeling that something was around me. that instant, i felt scare in a long while, but quickly turn calm and observe the surrounding. though i hold a little fear, but i still hope i can see 'it' if 'it' really exist. looking around every short moment after the tone runs wild, i gave up repeating the same thing, and also the fear was somehow buildup because of the tone making weird sound.

i pack things up and walk back home. to my surprise, the area is much darker than i first saw it. maybe because when i first saw it there were many cars going in and out and make the area fill quite bright, even when there's no street lights were on. on the way home, i realize i'm still a human. because both places are dark, without light and anyone around, i felt rather relieve and more calming than in that place where i felt 'something'. maybe it simply because that place has no human at all, while this place has no human on the outside, but there's a lot in the houses.

after that, i bath using a villager's method of bathing. just imagine how to properly bath with cold water without water heater. good thing the weather wasn't cold, but it is also bad because that makes it a bit too hot to sleep. so i had no choice but to listen to some music and do some for-fun-programming with my NetBook until the electric is back. but well, along the way i stop listening to music because i think i had a few noises at the back but saw nothing when i turn back.

this is rather a nice experience of sensing 'something'. though it is also possible that i create my own imagination.